Clive Malunga

Learn to Manage Your Anger

The primary agents of socialising young children  into the norms and values of their society are the family , peer groups and the school. Our earliest experiences relating to others occur within the confines of these agents.. If our first relational patterns include angry outbursts and violent behaviours , these are likely to endure into adulthood  or resurface in later relationships outside the family, the peer group or  the school.. When aggressive behaviour  patterns are firmly established , they will be very challenging  to change. I was personally a victim of early exposure to violence and I spent years trying to erase and manage my anger in the hope of creating new healthier and productive behaviours.

 In the past my biggest weakness was my failure to control anger. I did not care whether we were having breakfast with band members in a hotel abroad or going through the heavily guarded gates   of ZBC’s Pockets Hill Studios to fight a news editor. I was never scared of anything: whenever I adjudged anyone to have crossed my line, I responded with violence.

Violence was brought into my life by my parents who were following a tradition of what all families in a farming community near Norton were doing. Most parents believed that their kids, especially those entering primary school should have some “supernatural protection” so that they would be able to defend themselves from bullies at school. This ‘ supernatural fighting defence’ was obtained from farm labourers who practised magic. You would get a concoction of herbs mixed with a whole nest of wasps ‘(matandamhembwe) and this we were told would give you some supernatural energy to defend yourself  from bullies at school. That fighting magic is called mangoromera in Shona. I was never bullied at school.  I never went home complaining about being beaten by older boys. I always stood my ground.

When I came to stay in Harare in 1981,my violent behaviour followed  me.  I developed the habit of manhandling or beating up anyone who stood in my way. Below is a chronicle  of some violent acts I committed.

I poured a cup of tea on Tendai Mupfurutsa for defending Mrs Gill Artkinson who was the secretary of the Zimbabwe Music Rights Association  ( ZIMURA)  whom we were accusing of embezzling musicians’ funds as she was the custodian of the funds. I ceased to be on the Board of Directors from that day.

I also beat Pax Matenga and Paul Thepe who were Jenaguru members on a tour of Japan. I excused myself a bit when we were having breakfast   at Toyoko Inn Hotel. When I returned,  I was surprised to find Paul and Pax giving business cards to my management team in Japan. They were telling my management that they were not permanent Jenaguru Band members and they would wish to be managed by my manager as a separate group. I charged at them violently when people were having breakfast. I later found out that the boys had planned their scheme when we were still in Zimbabwe. To me, those attempts at moonlighting amounted to disloyalty punishable by a beating.

One day I went to the Ministry of Arts, Sports and Culture intending to fight Mr Stephen Chifunyise who had denied me the opportunity of getting sponsorship from the Netherlands Embassy.  The Dutch embassy had pledged to provide US$14 million to build Jenaguru Arts Centre and the permanent secretary had spoken against the sponsorship at a meeting organised by the embassy.   Fortunately, security guards denied me entry into the permanent secretary ‘s office.

I also went to Pockets Hill Studios to fight Mr Shepherd Mutamba who had erased a tape commissioned by the Chief Executive Officer, Munyaradzi Hwengwere, to flight on television a huge donation Jenaguru had made to Chinyaradzo Children’s Home. Mr Mutamba was the news editor at the time. Mr Mutamba and I had argued before over the amount I had paid him for his sérvices during a Jenaguru Music Festival. He had rendered his services while he was still working for the Herald as a journalist.

I found Mr Mutamba  holding a group meeting with his workmates. I just went in and beat him.  My main aim was to instill in other stakeholders an awe of me; they had to acquire an inclination to share with me; give me, help me and love me. There was also just some satisfaction that came with knowing that I had metted cold revenge on someone who had wronged me.

I did not beat Malaki Nkomo. He told the public that I beat him because he had refused to play my music on radio. That was not true. In fact he had come to our meeting at the College of Music to contest for a leadership position in the Zimbabwe Union of Musicians. I had told him to leave the meeting room because he was not a musician. At that time I was the Vice Chairperson of Zimbabwe Union of Musicians.

I brought violence to Harare because it was part of my farm culture. I was not supposed to use violence, however much I might have been wronged. A person ought to be able to control himself under all forms of provocation.

From 2000, I began to reflect on the journey I had travelled. I had lived a controversial life. As a father I realised how dangerous my character would be to my kids. Gradually, I started changing for the good of myself, my kids and my friends. I made many mistakes. I disappointed many people with my erratic behaviour.  I apologise for all the pain and stress I caused my fellow brethren. Violence dehumanises the victims as well as the perpetrator.

I now seek to live according to the will of God. A path without the blessings of our Heavenly Father is an empty path filled with darkness.  I have managed to stop smoking, drinking beer as well as being loose with women.  Most importantly, I have finally managed to conquer my anger. The power to overcome comes from God. If you are not reliable and unpredictable many people will not want to be friends with you nor to do business with you. You scare people away from you.

I thank my managing director, Mrs Tomoko Takahashi, who has stood by my side since 1990. She has helped me immensely to reform.  She encouraged me to use all the energy that I have towards improving myself academically as well as building my foundation on loving and caring for other people.  Now, I am aware of what matters most. It is LOVE; love for your family, friends, the poor, the vulnerable, opharns and the elderly. Love for one’s country and the human race.

I have also learnt a lot from the Japanese.  They are patriotic.  They are proud to be Japanese.  They work very hard for the development of their country. Most of them are polite. They enjoy sharing and giving. They live in decent families who love their culture.  I have copied many of their good traits. I urge all parents to be good role models to their children either in  terms of good behaviour or dressing or hard work and/ or  in fear of God